THE ULTiMATE GUiDE TO SLEEP TRAiNiNG: POPULAR TECHNiQUES & MY PERSONAL JOURNEY
As parents, one of the most challenging aspects of early parenthood can be sleep (or lack thereof!). Many parents eventually turn to sleep training to help their babies develop healthy sleep habits, but the sheer number of methods out there can feel overwhelming.
In this guide, we'll explore the most popular sleep training techniques, sharing the pros, cons, and some personal experiences to help you decide which approach might work best for your family. Whether you're just beginning your sleep training journey or have tried a few methods already, this post will give you the information you need to make an informed decision.
WHAT iS SLEEP TRAiNiNG?
Before diving into the techniques, it’s important to define sleep training. In simple terms, sleep training refers to teaching your baby to fall asleep and stay asleep on their own, without needing external help like feeding, rocking, or being held.
Sleep training isn't for everyone, and it's not a one-size-fits-all solution. Every baby is different, and what works for one family may not work for another. Some parents find success with gentle methods, while others prefer more structured approaches. As with any parenting decision, trust your instincts and choose what feels right for you and your baby.
CRY iT OUT METHOD (CiO)/ EXTiNCTiON METHOD
The Cry It Out (CIO) method is one of the most well-known—and controversial—sleep training techniques. It involves allowing your baby to cry for a set period without intervening, with the goal of teaching them to self-soothe and fall asleep independently. Eventually, your baby learns that they don't need to rely on external comfort to fall asleep.
How it Works
After a bedtime routine, place your baby in their crib while they are still awake.
Leave the room and let your baby cry without returning, even if they continue crying.
Over time (usually within a few days to a week), the crying should decrease as your baby learns to self-soothe.
Pros:
Tends to be effective within a relatively short period of time.
Helps babies learn to self-soothe independently.
Cons:
Can be emotionally difficult for parents to hear their baby cry without intervening.
Some babies may cry for prolonged periods before adjusting.
When my first son turned 6 months old, we decided to try the Cry It Out (CIO) method for sleep training. I had read about how effective it could be, but nothing could have prepared me for how heart-wrenching it felt to actually hear him cry. Every instinct in my body wanted to rush to his side, pick him up, and soothe him. It was brutal—each minute felt like an eternity. I remember pacing around the house, fighting back tears myself, and at one point, I even considered leaving the house just to escape the sound of his cries.
But by the third night, something shifted. He slept through the night, and I finally felt some relief. Yet, along with that relief came an unexpected wave of guilt—had I really let him cry himself to sleep? I questioned myself constantly, but in the end, he was sleeping better, and so were we.
A few months later, we took our first trip away from home, and when we returned, we were back to square one. All that progress felt undone. We wrestled with having to do it all over again, and it was just as hard the second time around. We opted for a gentler approach and this felt much better for us. But this experience taught me something important: sleep training, like so many parts of parenting, is rarely a one-time fix. It’s a journey, and there are ups and downs along the way.
The Cry It Out method isn't for every family. Personally, I felt hesitant about using this technique with because hearing my baby cry was too hard.
However, I’ve spoken to other parents who swear by its effectiveness and found it worked quickly. It’s all about what you can handle as a parent.
FERBER METHOD/GRADUATED EXTiNCTiON
The Ferber Method, developed by Dr. Richard Ferber, is often seen as a middle ground between the more extreme Cry It Out approach and gentler sleep training techniques. The Ferber Method involves gradually increasing the amount of time you let your baby cry before offering comfort, helping them learn to self-soothe in a less abrupt manner.
How It Works:
Put your baby down while they're drowsy but still awake.
Let them cry for a set amount of time (usually starting with 3-5 minutes).
Return to comfort your baby without picking them up—just patting, soothing words, etc.
Gradually increase the intervals between check-ins over a period of days (i.e. 5 minutes, 10 minutes, then 20 minutes).
Pros:
Many parents find it a more manageable method than CIO.
Helps babies learn self-soothing while allowing parents to comfort them intermittently.
Cons:
Still involves some crying, which can be hard for parents.
May take longer than the CIO method to see results.
When my second son was born, I felt more prepared for the challenges of parenting, but sleep training was still daunting. After experiencing the emotional rollercoaster of the Cry It Out (CIO) method with my first son, I approached sleep training with a new mindset. This time, I decided to try the Ferber method, which promised a more gradual approach to helping my baby learn to self-soothe.
The first night was tough. I tucked him into his crib, said goodnight, and left the room, reminding myself that this was the right choice. He cried, but instead of letting him cry until he fell asleep, I returned to the room at intervals, as the method suggested. At first, it was hard to resist the urge to pick him up right away. I felt my heart breaking as I listened to his cries, but I kept telling myself this was a journey, not a race.
Over the next two weeks, I noticed significant changes. Each night, he cried a little less and settled down a little faster. By the end of the first week, I could already see that he was starting to understand the new routine. The crying sessions became shorter, and he began to fall asleep on his own, often without a peep.
By the end of the second week, I was amazed at the transformation. My son was sleeping through the night, and I felt a sense of pride and relief wash over me. Unlike the overwhelming guilt I experienced with the CIO method, I found comfort in knowing that this approach allowed him to learn to soothe himself at a pace that felt more manageable for both of us. It was rewarding to see him thrive, and I realized that every child is different. What worked for one may not work for another, and that's perfectly okay.
I’ve known several families who used the Ferber Method and appreciated the balance it offered.
For me, the idea of periodic check-ins felt more manageable than letting my baby cry indefinitely.
It allowed me to feel like I was still offering comfort while teaching my baby a valuable skill.
CHAiR METHOD
The Chair Method is one of the gentler sleep training approaches and involves gradually distancing yourself from your baby as they fall asleep. Instead of letting them cry alone, you stay in the room and provide a calm presence as they learn to fall asleep on their own.
How It Works:
After your baby is in their crib, you sit in a chair next to them while they fall asleep.
Each night, move the chair farther away until you are eventually outside the room.
The idea is to gradually reduce your baby’s reliance on your presence while still providing reassurance.
Pros:
Gentler than CIO and Ferber, as it doesn’t involve leaving your baby to cry alone.
Allows parents to feel more involved in the process.
Cons:
Can take longer than more traditional methods to see results.
Babies may become upset when they see you but can’t have direct interaction.
When my daughter was an infant, we considered using the chair method for sleep training. It seemed like a gentle way to help her learn to fall asleep independently, but we quickly discovered that it wasn’t going to work for us. Every time I sat in the chair beside her crib, she would just stand up, lean over the rail, and stare at me with her big, curious eyes. It was adorable but also a bit amusing—she clearly had no intention of settling down with me watching right there! After a few nights of this, we realized the chair method just wasn’t going to cut it. Instead, we decided to embrace a different approach that worked better for her.
Now, as a toddler, she understands bedtime a lot better. We have our cozy routine of reading stories, singing lullabies, and a few extra cuddles before saying goodnight. When we sit in the room beside her bed, she might initially want to engage, but after about ten minutes, I notice her eyelids getting heavy. It’s incredible how she has learned to self-soothe, and I’ve found that simply being there, quietly, helps her feel secure while allowing her to drift off on her own.
In this new stage, the chair method has become effective for us. We can almost set our watch to it—after about ten minutes of sitting there, we can hear her soft breathing as she falls asleep. It feels like a win-win: she gets the comfort of my presence while also learning to find her own way to sleep.
Looking back, I’m grateful we didn’t force the chair method when she was younger. Instead, we found what worked best for her at each stage, and now it’s a helpful tool during our bedtime routine. It’s amazing how quickly they grow and adapt, and I cherish these moments, even the ones filled with laughter when she would just stare at me, wide-eyed and curious.
For parents who find the idea of leaving the room too stressful, the Chair Method offers a compassionate alternative.
I love the idea of being close to your baby during the transition to independent sleep, though it can often take a bit longer to achieve results.
PiCK UP/PUT DOWN METHOD
This technique, popularized by Tracy Hogg in her book The Baby Whisperer, is a gentler approach that involves picking up your baby to comfort them when they cry and then putting them back in the crib once they are calm. The goal is to teach your baby that they can fall asleep without constant external soothing.
How It Works:
Put your baby in the crib drowsy but awake.
If they cry, pick them up and comfort them until they are calm.
Once calm, place them back in the crib. Repeat as needed until your baby falls asleep.
Pros:
Gentler method that minimizes long periods of crying.
Helps build trust between you and your baby.
Cons:
Can be time-consuming and tiring for the parents.
May take longer for babies to learn self-soothing.
When it came time to sleep train my fourth child, my daughter, I decided to try the pick-up/put-down method. With three older siblings, I thought I had seen it all, but this approach felt like the right fit for us.
The first night was a challenge. As soon as I laid her down in the crib, those little cries erupted. I picked her up to soothe her, holding her close until she calmed down, then gently put her back in the crib. This cycle continued, and I quickly realized I was in for a bit of a workout. But with each pick-up, I felt her frustration melt away.
Over the next few nights, I noticed a shift. She began to understand the routine, and the crying sessions became shorter. By the end of the second week, I could put her down after our sweet lullabies, and she would close her eyes, settling down with minimal fuss.
The pick-up/put-down method not only helped her learn to self-soothe but also strengthened our bond. It reminded me that every child is unique, some of my other kids may have taken much longer to adjust, but two weeks of our cuddles was enough for her to find her way. I was grateful for this gentle approach that allowed her to feel loved while growing more independent.
For me, the Pick Up/Put Down Method felt like a great way to stay connected with my baby while encouraging self-soothing.
Although it’s time-consuming, I felt confident knowing I could comfort my baby while still teaching her to fall asleep independently.
NO TEARS/GENTLE SLEEP TRAiNiNG
The No Tears approach, also called gentle sleep training, focuses on helping babies learn to sleep without any crying or distress. This method emphasizes creating a calming sleep environment and slowly building habits that encourage independent sleep.
How It Works:
Establish a soothing bedtime routine with minimal stimulation.
Gradually reduce sleep associations (like rocking or feeding to sleep).
Provide comfort as needed, but focus on developing a consistent routine and positive sleep associations.
Pros:
No crying involved, making it a more emotionally comfortable method for parents.
Focuses on long-term sleep habits rather than short-term fixes.
Cons:
Can take significantly longer than other methods.
May not work for every baby, especially if they have trouble self-soothing.
I definitely blended this gentle technique with the pick-up/put-down method for my last daughter. Each night, we would dim the lights, read a few soothing stories, and cuddle until she felt relaxed. When it was time to lay her down, I gently put her in her crib and stood by her side. If she cried, I would pick her up to comfort her, cradling her in my arms until her breathing softened, then lay her back down.
With her, I felt more present in the process knowing she was the last of the bunch and I didn’t want sleep training to be a sprint. Having more foresight this go-around, I understood that flexibility is crucial. If a particular night felt overwhelming, I adjusted our routine without hesitation. I took the time to soak in these precious moments, knowing they wouldn’t last forever. Although it took longer, I appreciated knowing that I was fostering positive sleep habits and enjoying the last moments of this season in my parenting journey.
WHiCH SLEEP TRAiNiNG METHOD iS RiGHT FOR YOU?
At the end of the day, there is no "right" sleep training method—only the one that works best for your family. Some parents may feel comfortable with methods like Cry It Out, while others prefer more gradual approaches like the Chair Method or No Tears. The key is consistency, patience, and tuning into your baby’s individual needs.
If you're struggling to choose a method, consider your parenting style, how comfortable you are with your baby crying, and how much time and effort you're willing to invest in the process. Whatever you choose, remember that teaching your baby to sleep independently is a gradual process that can take time.
Sleep training can be a challenging but ultimately rewarding experience for both parents and babies. Whichever method you decide to try, know that you’re helping your baby develop important skills for healthy sleep. And if one method doesn’t work, it’s okay to pivot and try another.
Cheers to restful nights of sleep!
